Very Specific Shahs: Mike and the Spoof Texts
Show: Shahs of Sunset
Situation: Spoof Texting
Analyze: Who sent the spoof texts and why does it even matter.
Potential Perp: Literally anyone on planet earth
On Shahs of Sunset, alleged serial cheater Mike decided to come clean about sexting, but drops a “bomb” that someone in the cast is a snake who is spoof texting him. If you’ve never seen Shahs of Sunset on Bravo, then what are you even doing with your life? Go watch it. Binge ALL the seasons up to the most current episode and then come back here and we’ll talk.
First, let’s discuss Mike, who seemingly has learned NOTHING from being on several seasons of reality television. Literally, I feel like his mother. I can always tell when he’s full of shit. He is currently dating Paulina, who for whatever reason (wants to be on tv) was able to watch him absolutely destroy his relationship with his wife and was like. THAT is who I want to date. If you are a VPR viewer, we are talking JAX level of EW. It’s just that Mike is somehow more forgivable than Jax. Don’t ask me why. He just is.
Paulina finds cheating sexts on Mike’s phone and screen shots them all and sends them to other people in the cast of Shahs. Now, most of this cast has known Mike most of their lives. They are like…..duh. Mike, being Mike, attempts to lie on camera and pretend he didn’t do ANYTHING wrong, BRO! How could you even accuse him of something he has a well documented history of? How DARE you! You beast! Finally, the situation becomes absurd and Mike admits at this birthday weekend that he did screw up and he is so sorry and Paulina taught him about real love. (Somewhere his ex Jessica fell off her chair laughing.) BUT-
You guys! THERE is a SNAKE in the group. A snake! Someone who is trying to destroy his relationship with Paulina even harder than Mike himself. Someone SPOOF texted him. Yes, this grown adult is up in arms because someone spoof texted him and THAT is what everyone should focus on. Not that he cheated and got caught. That somebody spoofed him. Here is where we deep dive and get specific. Who do we think spoof texted Mike?
POSSIBLE PERPETRATORS
PRODUCTION:
For any of us who have watched this disaster of a network for a long time…..we know that often the answer is production. The actual answer to the age old question of housewives, “WHO LEAKED THAT STORY TO THE PRESS,” guys, it was production. Also, it is your job to be in the press. I wouldn’t put it past production to screw with Mike a little bit for fun. This is a little elaborate for production, but we can’t put it past them.
MOTIVE: Add drama to a show that already consistently brings drama anyway.
GIGI:
Now, Reza has allegedly told Mike that it was GiGi who was spoof texting him. Reza swears that he did NOT tell Mike this. This is the crux, if Reza really did say it was GiGi, then Reza is our answer. If Mike is lying about what Reza said, then all signs point to Mike being the culprit. OR, this is a scheme with a few of them against Mike, or against GiGi, or against Reza. Oh my god, this show is Shakespearean. I mean, really. Did GiGi take the time to spoof text Mike? She just had a freaking baby. Now, new parents are not absolved of all possibilities of wrong doing, but I find it hard to believe that at this point in GiGi’s life she would even think it was that funny. Everyone knows you don’t have to sabatoge Mike’s relationship. Mike is perfectly capable of doing that himself!
MOTIVE: Mike was like her big brother and did allegedly attempt to do her when they were abroad and it seemed really creepy and traumatizing for her. Also, she’s still friends with Jessica, Mike’s ex.
JESSICA:
This brings me to his ex-wife, Jessica. Now, if I was bored AF during the pandemic and wanted to just mess with my ex, I too might spoof text my ex. (If I had any idea how.) Maybe, Jessica got drunk and thought it was funny and relatively harmless. Perhaps, GiGi was there and knew, and Reza is trying to spin it that GiGi actually did the act herself. Also, if she wanted back on the show, but I don’t think she does. It would be my favorite if she did it and shows up on the season finale like, “Tell Mike it was me.”
MOTIVE: He destroyed her entire life on national television.
REZA:
Ooooh, Reza. The thing with this cast, is any one of them is capable of this shenanigans. Even when they are at each other’s throats, they have an admirable commitment to shenanigans. I feel like if anyone has taken the time to know how to spoof text, Reza is on that list. Were him and Adam drunk one night and thought it would be funny to see if Mike would take the bait? I also think, if he did do it, he never thought it would blow up to something THIS big. But Mike has gotta Mike and that includes doing anything to deflect off himself. I think it is possible Reza was brainstorming with Mike who could be the culprit and GiGi’s name was mentioned and Mike just ran with it.
MOTIVE: Chaos?
MJ:
Now, if MJ did this she is an evil genius. Which, we kind of already know she can be if she wants to be. However, if she DID do it, is Reza in on it? Is GiGi? Is it possible that Mike and MJ are in on it together to finally take down Reza once and for all? Is this enough to even accomplish that? It may be because I’m a nanny, but I just find it hard to believe that someone taking care of anyone under the age of 3 has time to worry about this. All of these friends know that Mike is perfectly capable of sabotaging his own relationships.
MOTIVE: Payback for Reza.
PAULINA:
Maybe, Paulina was texting Mike herself? But, when he got so upset about it she was afraid to come clean and started pointing fingers at their friends? I would definitely want to test my bf with a spoof text to see if he really is going to try and stay faithful this time. If this is what really happened, I don’t think she will ever come clean about it because it has gotten too big. Her motive is the only one that is remotely logical.
MOTIVE: Seeing if her bf is going to not suck anymore.
MIKE:
The obvious choice is Mike fabricated this whole thing. It is totally possible that he spoofed himself to show Paulina that he’s on the straight and narrow and also isolate her by saying it’s their friends that did this to them. I don’t even know if we are yet aware of what Mike is capable of with his lies. Then he also gets to cause complete destruction to the group, which all of these people have reasons to hate each other.
MOTIVE: Look like the REAL victim in all this
ANY HUMAN:
I would imagine Mike gives out his number pretty easily to people when he’s out and partying. Any fan or girl he screwed over could have done this. We’re all at fault here, guys. We ALL did this to poor Mike.
MOTIVE: Fun?
Could this potentially be Nema, Destiney, or Shervin? I don’t feel inspired by that? But it is possible.
CONCLUSION:
If it wasn’t Mike, I don’t think whoever did it thought it was anything more than a silly prank. If it was Mike doing it to himself, well then he is diabolical. My gut tells me it might be one of Paulina’s friends who she asked to test Mike. What do you think?